broke, stingy CS student
on balancing personal finance and living a life
Early in December last year, I started investing in index funds. I was influenced by one of my classmates, and if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have taken the initial step. It has been my plan ever since 2021 to invest my extra money in stocks after finishing a course on Skillshare about personal finance. But I avoided it because of fear. As someone who only relies on his allowance, I take fewer risks when it comes to money.
When S and I started dating, it became hard for me to save money. Though money isn’t the main thing, I still wanted to treat and spoil her every once in a while. Give her flowers, check in hotels, and go on coffee and random dates. Although I’m consistent with my investing and saving once a month, I feel that any moment now I’d run completely out of money–flat broke.
Before I met S, my mother would tell me a lot of times that I was so kuripot1 because I couldn’t give her flowers on special occasions. Which was true, I admit. I’d only spend money on books once a month for myself and be happy with a new title in hand. But now with S, I learn to give more. Not just to her but also to other people I care for.
As a first-year college student, with all commuting fares, snacks, and meals in Manila, I’d have to be more extra disciplined when it comes to money.
They say a simple strategy would go a long way so here’s mine: put aside PHP 600 a month from my PHP 2000 monthly allowance, and split it into two, the first 300 would be on my high-interest rate savings account on Maya, and the other one would be on my portfolio. So I’d have at least PHP 1400 for spending money which includes transportation, lunch for school, and of course dates and wants. Do this saving and investing consistently enough for every month and in a year I’d have around PHP 7200.
When I sold some of my preloved books, I got too excited seeing money going into my Gcash account. And instead of spending it, I put a lot on it on the side. I sometimes think saving too much money is my sickness. When you get just enough money, you’re forced to appreciate what you have. I’m not the type of son who’d unhesitantly ask for money for a need. I even feel guilty, instead of grateful for my father for providing for my needs and education. And of course, I can argue that I didn’t choose to be born, but that would be too naive when I know that there’s at least I can do to help.
I have this inkling that I should be earning money from now at the age of 19 because I can’t just rely on my allowance alone. My father only provides for my needs and that’s it. He’d say, every time he or my stepmother made a big purchase: “That’s why you have to work hard enough to get not just your needs but your wants.” But what’s hard enough anyway? And of course, I know what he meant by it: study well enough, get a good job, and then buy things like him. It’s not that I’m not trying hard enough the reason why I’m broke. I’m just comfortable living with my grandma and auntie here in Quezon City, and my job here is to do good in academics and make myself as employable and skilled as possible before graduation.
But other than being stingy, having less money received makes me more appreciative. I want to avoid comparing myself with others as much as I can. I place my attention on my unread books. I used the wired headphones when going to the university that had been long kept in the bottom of my drawer. And I value good conversations in parks instead of shopping sprees in malls.
**
I wonder what I’d spend on my first salary once I got a job. I see myself not feeling guilty anymore when buying books from Fully Booked. I’d finally be able to eat at Taco Bell whenever I want on the Foodcourt or go top up my Timezone card just to play billiards at Robinson’s Magnolia branch. All the experiences and items I can’t guiltlessly do and buy.
Of course, there were times when I did buy something without guilt or regret. Like my subscriptions to some Substack favorites, my one-night staycations with S, my trips to Dangwa to buy some fresh flowers to arrange myself, and the time S and I went to Brewman–a cafe shop in Cubao Expo on Valentine's, which I really loved the vibe, the people and the books! It’s where I first read The Book Thief on paperback which I later got a copy from the internet, and then transferred to my Kindle.
There is something about the cafe that’s ineffable. It’s not because people there speak Taglish or are energetic, but there’s something about the space that felt cozy. I didn’t feel being watched with every movement like I always feel in a quite small environment. Maybe it has something to do with the two or so customers I saw working there. There was this one man in a jacket, right beside us on the counter table, editing a client’s video from his laptop. Then a blonde woman in a navy blue hoodie, near the staircase by the wall, hunched over what could have been a MacBook. She had her phone charged on a power bank, and coffee drained from the plastic cup. They all looked focused and unthreatening. For the first time, I felt belonged at Expo. For the first time, Expo isn’t just for skaters, stylish people, or drinkers, it’s also a place for people who love coffee and books—like me.
However, we didn’t order coffee, we went for iced drinks: S for a matcha latte, while I for chocolate. We have classes the next day, and we learned already not to drink coffee in the evening for it keeps us too awake. The chocolate made me remember my grandpa, my mom’s dad. They love to give me tablea tsokolate2 from Bicol when they’re home in QC. Which is then used for champorado3 or just a simple afternoon hot chocolate drink amidst summer.
As I observed the buoyant people behind the counter, I told S I wanted to work as a barista. She told me she’d also would love to but when she checked on LinkedIn way back ago, she found out that some are strict with the height. That’s collateral for us two. But still, I’d look forward to it. I’d stand there wiping cups and mugs as I observed people come and go throughout my shift. Inhale the newly pressed coffee from the machine and freshly baked pastries.
This is what spending money has led me to. That evening during Valentine’s, I didn’t just pay for our drinks, but also the chance to see what I want to become: a cafe shop owner, and someone who earns good money just by looking at people and writing about them.
**
That brings me to my college course. Am I not planning on using Computer Science after graduation? As much as I feel left behind over not having enough allowance, I also feel left behind in my programming class. Some students are so good that you can’t just avoid wishing you knew what they knew.
Our new professor on Intermediate Programming said we’d have to at least like programming to survive the course. He then added: “Have some sort of fallback plan, like having a multimedia arts background.” He points out that even if we didn’t excel in programming, at least we knew how to edit pictures and create graphics. However our curriculum is only based on specialization, I specialized in Machine Learning, should I have chosen IT to go specialize in MMA? But I was too avoidant in picking IT over CS in the first place because I’d love to think back then that CS would get me far better off from being broke. It’s all about the bling bling. CS in itself is my fallback plan while I go about writing my little stories and memoirs.
And maybe that’s the reason why I’m kind of losing interest in tech–it’s because I only went for the money. Because I’m a broke kid who has dreams of not being broke. Am I even going to be able to love the craft of stringing codes, and creating systems and databases? I think and hope so. It would take time, but I don’t know for how long.
I can attempt to love it like how I attempt writing these silly essays. Or I could just comply in time and do the job without questions asked. I have this idea that it’s getting late: too late to shift courses, too late to catch up and develop my understanding of exceptions, and in the case sensitivity of Java. But I can again try and only try again. It won’t hurt, for I’m only but a broke, stingy CS freshman student, and I have nothing to lose.
Best bet is to see where things go.
stingy in Tagalog — reluctant to spend for self or others
tablets of pure, roasted, and ground cacao beans.
sweet chocolate rice porridge